Before recently, the last time I was in a swimsuit was in January 2015 when my friends and I took a trip to Punta Cana. Me and about 9 of my friends took what was my first international trip. We went to Dominican Republic –  Punta Cana for about 5 days and I can say the trip definitely made it in my top 3 favorite so far. We went on excursions and viewed the way of life outside of our resort, and lets not forget the wonderful beach trip we all have to make when going to a tropical location. So, I pretty much had the fear of wearing a swimsuit in public as do so many other plus size women. Wow, it has been over 2 years since I was comfortable enough to show this thigh & booty meat lol. I’m just realizing this when writing this post for you guys.

Saying that “I was comfortable” might be pushing it a little bit. Yes, I did have enough confidence to put on the swimsuit and enjoy my time out on the beach. I refused to be the girl that wears shorts and a T-shirt to the beach on a beautiful vacation, because I was afraid of what I would look like in a swimsuit. I wanted to be able to feel good about myself while out on this vacation, which wasn’t the case all the time. Even while forcing myself to put on the swimsuit, take pictures and enjoy this time with my friends, my mind was racing with what the people behind me may be thinking of how I look in my swimsuit. Just a typical move for an insecure girl…thinking everyone else is thinking about them lol.

It is no doubt that while we were on the beach in our swim suits, taking in the sun and posing for selfies, I was low key clinching about how my body looked in the one piece I was wearing. Before leaving on the trip, I bought a multicolored one piece from Forever 21 thinking for sure I was going to feel amazing in it because it had fringes that would hide my bulging belly. Instead, I got very self conscious about my thighs, butt, and cellulite. It was ridiculous! Once I hid one “flaw” I immediately became insecure of other flaws that could have possibly ruined me having a great time on this trip.

I even went as far as not getting in the pool. I think it was because so many people were in closer proximity, that I felt they could see my imperfect figure even better than they could at the beach. I have to say it was weird to be so selective about when & where I would be comfortable in a swim suit. Trips such as this one let me know I had a lot of work to do on my mental. I do believe in being healthy & I know that I am not as healthy as I can be, but no matter where my body is in my journey I know I should be in love with myself regardless and learn to treat myself better.

I give myself way more compliments now than I did back then. I am more comfortable with my rolls and cellulite. This is not because I feel I’m 100% perfect and there is nothing I want to work on, but because I have decided to love myself regardless of what stage my body is in. Even if I hand picked each of my body parts, I feel I would still have things about myself that I would want to change so I might as well love myself as I am now. I’ve decided to use my energy to focus on other things instead of how people would feel about my body in a bathing suit.

So lets get a little closer. If you really know what I was going through, comment below and share your swim suit story with everyone. It doesn’t have to be the same as mines; you could have put on a swimsuit and immediately knew you were the lick. As a community I think we will be the best support for each other on how to overcome negative thoughts about ourselves, especially in situations where we should be focused on making beautiful memories.

Thanks so much for listening to my story & I hope you guys liked it.

-Ashley

Swim Top: Old Navy Lace-Up Rashguard – Black | Swim Bottoms: Torrid

One Piece Swim Suits

Two Piece Swim Suits