5 Reasons Why I Stopped Dating

Well to be clear, these are not current reasons. I decided to open up my Pandora’s box and let you guys know the reasons I was single for so long before I started my confidence journey. I used to pray and wrack my brain on why no one wanted me. What was so wrong with me that no guy that I crossed paths with actually stuck around? Some people don’t take the time to check the man/woman in the mirror before shouting out “There are no good men left in the world!” I’m not saying it was my solely my fault that every relationship with a guy this far never really stuck, but during the process I learned quite a bit about myself that I didn’t like and decided to change.

1. I lacked confidence

If you’ve read my blog posts, about page, pretty much anything on my blog you would know that I used to have crazy low self-esteem. This played a big part of me being single. I wanted so bad to have someone to be with that I was willing to accept any mess that came my way. And I emphasize the word mess, because when dating you definitely need to be aware of the signs people display that give you the biggest clue as to who they really are. Dating with low self-esteem is a sure way to end up hurt or with someone you absolutely have no business being with. Learn to be happy single first!

2. I always looked for the perfect guy…

The other problem of me dating with low self-esteem is that I was looking for someone to complete me. I had issues with accepting my body, my personality, and pretty much everything that made me unique…made me Ashley. I would (unconsciously) connect with guys that were all the same. I’m talking about guys that were athletic built, tall, handsome(ish at times), new millennium money clinching, younger than me men that did not have interest in necessarily being with me long term. When I took the time to really look at why I was choosing to talk to these men, I noticed I was picking guys that would physically make me feel more secure with myself…such a no no. That is when I stopped dating, and began to work on my confidence for a while before hopping back in the dating scene. No one can see clearly through hazy glasses.

3. No communication

When I was working on loving myself, I noticed that I am very opinionated. Also, at times I have a big mouth J I mean, I have come to embrace and love this about myself. I know when to speak my opinions and when to shut my big mouth lol. On the other hand, while I was dating, I was closed mouthed all the way. If a man did something I didn’t like, or disrespectful I would probably give him a look, but never communicate how what he did made me feel.  All of this was while being able to communicate way better with my family and friends. Later I learned I didn’t speak my mind when dating in the illusion that he would no longer be interested if I did. Girl I don’t know where I got that from, but of course all of that had to change once I gained more confidence which takes me to my next point…

4. I was not being myself (mirror dating)

I made up a phrase to perfectly describe the type of dating I was involved in before working on my confidence, mirror dating. I’m not sure how original the phrase is, but it hits the nail on the head of my dating experience. Basically I would sort of consume the personality of the person I was dating. I know this is not the first time you guys have heard of this…yes it’s a thing. Honestly, I did not find myself to be entertaining or good enough for someone to remain interested once they got past my face, so I created someone they could remain interested in. I was all kinds of messed up honey, but I have so much fun being original now! I’m actually surprised I got through all of this without any counseling…well on to the last point!

5. I was scared to put myself out there & take risks

Honey ain’t nothing safe about love, so if you are on the prowl be sure to take a chance. If you have found someone you really like, don’t be afraid to take a risk with them. I stayed cooped in my house, not going out to meet new people, not taking that trip to get to know someone better, and the list can go on. No one really got a chance to learn, and grow with someone by remaining in the safe zone. So don’t dip your toe in, if you’re serious…take a leap!

Well that is most of the skeletons in my closet. If you guys could connect with what I went through, comment below! Let’s talk…


  1. Tavoya Minor
    November 4, 2016 / 9:28 pm

    Wow this was me too! While dealing with certain things we tend to think we are the only one who is dealing with it. Thanks for sharing. Although i am married now. I had to step back and get to really know me, love me and see that i was the prize before i expected anyone else to see it!

    • November 5, 2016 / 4:58 am

      Thanks for sharing Tavoya. I’m so glad you can relate, and congratulations on your marriage. It is a great accomplishment. I never thought I’d be ok with being single, but I’m taking it one day at a time and I actually enjoy it…its very peaceful lol.

  2. Dari Rogers
    November 4, 2016 / 11:21 pm

    Ditto, ditto, ditto! Dating is hard! I found myself trying to force myself into loving a process I actually hate. I’m just working on focusing on myself and my goals. Great post!


    • November 5, 2016 / 5:00 am

      You said it right…dating is hard. I did the same as well; trying to force relationships when there is no potential. Enjoy working on your goals & I pray you achieve every one of them!

  3. Ashlee
    March 29, 2017 / 1:12 am

    I’m a little late but this was such a great post Ashley! You really made some valid points. I know I’ve dealt with all of these.

    • March 30, 2017 / 1:58 am

      You’re never too late love. I’m glad you liked it and could connect!

  4. Naquan Bryant
    September 29, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    I applaud you for being transparent and reflective. Some of your reasons was the same reasons I stopped dating. Some of us have this fairy tale ending in mind, then all of a sudden its like, what happen??. As a man we seek that mate that will enhance, uncover, embrace and continue to love us at the same time. That safe place where no woman has gone before. When praying to GOD, I’m always reminded to seek and you shall find, and then there are those times when the scripture says, ‘wait I say on the Lord and be of good courage. Any who, most importantly, be true and loving to one self and love will come knocking.

    Still Seeking

    Dr. Bryant

    • October 10, 2017 / 11:21 pm

      It is so good to hear a man’s perspective on the situation. As you see in my case seeking wasn’t the answer so, as you stated, I am just waiting on God. You are right about the fairytale aspect. I have stopped thinking of a relationship that way, but at the same time not looking to settle. Loving myself as we speak 🙂 I’m glad to hear you are doing the same. Hope you find your love!

      Thank you for your comment Naquan!