He was my first mistake…

Before I start my diary of what I now see to have been some wrongful dating patterns, I have to admit to you guys that I am not the best at reading people. Some people are able to just look at a person and know they have malicious intentions which protects them from any hurt or harm. Unfortunately, I was not blessed with that talent. Instead I received the personality of being nice, caring about others feelings and always being able to give others the benefit of the doubt despite what my eyes see to be obvious. Basically I’ve been blind as a bat.

I encountered my first real “relationship” with a guy right out of undergrad. I went to high school with his sister and she was nice, funny and seemed to be a really great person so why would he be any different, right? 

So to start things off we texted pretty much everyday. You know the guy has to start off by making you feel special with one of those “Good morning beautiful” texts. Well that’s what he did and during that time I was naive enough to allow that to be a helping hand in winning my heart. So, as time goes on he let me know how he felt about me by always popping up at my friends house when he knew I was coming over. He continued to sweet talk me as I constantly gave him the cold shoulder. Back then it was basically what I was known for. We ended up going on a double date with our best friends at the time, and the night ended really well. So naturally we began to try and get to know each other better.

We talked to each other for about a year and a half. I say “talked” because he never established a firm relationship with me. He never claimed me as his girlfriend. In the beginning he spent a lot of time with me, but we never really did anything. It was always me going over to his place, hanging with him and watching TV. I actually thought I had standards until I got with him. This is what helped me realize my self esteem was not where it needed to be. Now, I would never spend that much time with someone and not know where things are going. If things don’t go anywhere it would be through my choice or a mutual decision, but not just his. 

I just came from a dinner with my married friends and I asked the husband how he knew his wife was the one. He said he couldn’t really explain it, but that he just knew by the way she treated him versus how other women would give him all their attention. One thing he made sure to tell me was that if a man wants a woman, he will do everything in his power to get that woman. There is no way that if my first mistake wanted me that he would allow me to have spent all that time with him then walk this world freely without at least the title of being his girlfriend. Just like how he constantly followed me to my friends house before he had my attention; He would have been the same type of persistent with getting my commitment to him. Boy boy boy if I knew then what I know now…

Until next time my loves,

-Ashley B.