So if you guys read my article on the Hips & Curves blog, then you know how I used to let my search for love control what I did and who I let in my bed. Well…I’m no hoe (or whore)…but I did do things I never thought I would allow myself to do all in the name of “love” or what I thought love was.
Before I got all caught up in my man hunt, I was your picture perfect good girl. I didn’t kiss, date, spend the night, hunch, clothes burn lol nothing of the sort. Honestly, guys actually scared me. To this day I don’t know why I was afraid of them, but maybe I’ll get a therapist later and ask her. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23. What hurts my heart to this day is that I waited so long to make sure I chose the right person and I still made a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake because we didn’t work out; I mean it happens and it wasn’t that much of a shocker anyhow. The reason I regretted my decision is because I was not in love with him in the first place…I was in love of the thought of him.
Let me be more clear. I used to focus so much on the physical. Don’t get me wrong we are all human so I know this tends to happen, but what I would do is fall in love with the “idea” of who the guy can be and what we can have then let him in my pants. I rarely allowed myself the time to get to know who it was I was allowing in my space, and sharing some of my time with. My habit was to take the first impression the guy gave and run with it. When I lost my virginity, I started my cycle of the wrong thinking. I was curious of what sex was like and I wanted him to like me more. So, I thought “let me make it special by giving him my virginity on my birthday.” Mind you he was the one who got the gift…not me. He never treated me with love & respect, and he didn’t deserve that gift. Nevertheless he was only the first. I made the same mistake with other men until I realized I don’t have to constantly give myself for attention and love.
Moral of the story ladies, don’t lay down with the “idea” of a man while forgetting who he is in reality. Keep yourself down to earth when he is showing you who he is. If he doesn’t call you, believe him. If he steals your money, believe him. When he cheats on you and constantly lies to you, believe him. Better yet…
Until next time my loves,